I don’t understand how some people don’t see that depression is a real thing. It’s not just something you can stop, not just a passing bad mood. It’s a legitimate illness. A mental handicap on even the most simple daily stuff, like getting out of bed. Nothing is fun, everything hurts. Things that made you happy seem pointless.
Nobody wants to be depressed, why would we? You don’t wake up and go “oh man, I think I want today to be really hard. I want to feel cursed and hopeless, yea!” No.
I understand that people out there love us and care about us, heck I love all my friends and family to death. I’m sure I would have done something drastic by now if I didn’t have people like Mariko, Patty, James, Pi, Emily, Keith, Kayla or Hannah in my life. They have all been major life savers. Literally.
But that still doesn’t change the fact that my brain isn’t wired completely right. I try so hard, but sometimes I don’t win. Sometimes I slip into that funk. I can’t help it. I just wish people could realize that I don’t choose to feel alone or unwanted. It’s not true, I know that, but sometimes I just can’t.
I just wish I had someone that I could talk too without feeling like a burden. Sometimes I just need to vent, which actually helps me think though my depression. Helps a lot. Whatever. 99.99999% of whoever sees this won’t read it. Been burying everything deep down since forever, no reason to stop now.